What Happened to the Pigtails and Little Smocked Dress??

About a week ago Sarah, Lindsay (Sarah's roommate) Whit's Mom (Janice) and I traveled from Chattanooga to Atlanta to look for a wedding dress. For those that are not aware - Sarah and Whit are getting married June 20th. Whit's sister had purchased a dress there when she got married - Sarah had looked around in Nashville and Memphis and not finding exactly what she wanted - thought a trip to Atlanta was in order. ROAD TRIP!



We had a great time - left early in the morning - saying bye to Mike, Whit and his Dad (Bill). They were left to their own devises for the day and I think looking forward to it. A quick drive through at Mickey D's and we were on our way!!



For those that have not gone through the "pick out a wedding dress" ritual - let me enlighten you - it is sooooooooo much fun but if you allow it it can become VERY stressful!! We had a 10:00 appointment at Bridals by Lori. First you met your "wedding dress specialist" - her name was Marissa - who asked the bride to be questions - her likes, her dislikes, etc as far as wedding dresses were concerned. I won't bore you with all the details but eventually we were seated in front of a HUGE mirror - Sarah was in a dressing room and trying on the dresses she and Lindsay had carefully selected. She would come out and "model" each dress - looking to us for our opinion. Janice and I laughed and thought it would have been fun if we had brought little cards to hold up - to rate the dress - each time Sarah came out - you know - 1 - 10 or maybe a thumbs up or thumbs down type thing. Remember - we're having a good time.



You know - each dress looked great on Sarah - but I will say that when she walked out in THE dress - the one she eventually picked out - I KNEW it was the one - as Sarah would say - it was AMAZING!! I won't go in to any details on what it looked like - don't want to give that away before the wedding but even though it took Sarah almost all day to decide -a trip to another bridal shop - lunch and then a mall visit to help clear our heads - I KNEW it was the dress and hoped that she would decide that too.



I must say that I thought I was holding up pretty well through all this - friends had warned me - you are going to cry - you are going to BAWL when she comes out in wedding dresses - I did tear up when she came out in the AMAZING dress but it wasn't until she was in the "accessories" room (yes - you go to a different area for veils, etc) and the sales person put a veil on her head that I had to leave the room!! All I was picturing was Sarah - in a little smocked dress I made for her and her hair up in pig tails and then buddy - the tears started. I thought about how she and Christopher use to dress up and do performances for us and how she would have loved a little wedding dress to dress up in. But - here she was - grown - beautiful and ready to get married and start her own family. I was overwhelmed. Don't think you really realize that the wedding is actually going to happen until you see them in the dress!!!



One of the things - when I was diagnosed with breast cancer - that really upset me - was that I wouldn't be able to beat the cancer and wouldn't see Sarah get married. For those that haven't gone through that - you have no idea of the things you think about - of the things you regret not doing and the things you so hope that you are ABLE to do in the future. I have seen Christopher get married and was there when he and Emily had little Noah - so fortunate to be here for those things. Now I'm going to be able to watch Sarah - in that amazing dress - get married to Whit and start their life together. I thank GOD for moments like that.



I know when Sarah walks down that aisle - yes - she will be beautitful - she will be radiant - the dress WILL be amazing but what I will be seeing is the little girl - in the smocked dress and the cute little pigtails - smiling at me!!! I love you Sarah!!

OH MY GOSH - What's that I feel on my HEAD????

About a week ago I was in Collierville - running some errands - I had just purchased a baby gift in a little shop called CutiePaTootie (isn't that the cutest name?) Oh - by the way - they have adorable baby and childrens clothes in there - check it out. Heading to the car I noticed that the wind had picked up quite a bit and SUDDENLY there was a "movement" on top of my head. I stopped right there in the parking lot and thought - OMG - what was that??? Then it hit me - after nearly 9 months of little or NO hair - my hair had finally reached the point that the WIND WAS BLOWING IT!!! I wanted to run through the parking lot showing everyone my windblown locks but decided most would not understand and would probably think I had lost my mind. ha ha

Probably one of the worst times for me through all the cancer treatment WAS losing my hair. The doctors said it would start falling out after the second chemo treament and they were exactly right. Libby was staying with me that day. I reached up and was running my hand through my hair and HUGE hunks of hair came out. I just sat there looking at it - Libby got a trash can and I just sat there letting hair come out into my hand and dropping it into the trash. Honestly I couldn't believe it was happening - like it was a dream.

Before chemo started I talked to a BUNKO buddy of mine (Sandra) who is a hair dresser and asked her if she would shave my head once it started falling out - she agreed - so the day after it began coming out Mike drove me to her shop and she shaved it. I had all these little hats that I had bought and Mom had bought quite a few for me - as well. Two wigs had been purchased but I wasn't really sure about them - Mike thought I needed to have them - just in case. Sandra turned me away from the mirror - Mike sat across from me and while she talked about anything she could think of - trying to keep my mind off what she was doing - I sat there wanting to BAWL - but trying not to. What would I look like - what shape was my head - how would I handle having no hair?? After Sandra finished I slipped a little sleep hat on my head - couldn't look at it yet - needed to be home alone to do that - we left her shop and drove home - Mike assuring me that I looked great - that my head was nice and round and I looked good bald!! Being told I looked good bald was not exactly what I wanted to hear right then - figured Mike would tell me ANYTHING right then to make me feel good. Later that day I did finally look at my self - slowly pulled the hat off - and you know what struck me first thing???? You'll laugh but the first thing I thought was OMG - I'm even SHORTER now. ha ha It is amazing how much TALLER you look with hair and as all of you know - I need all the help I can get in that department. You probably think I cried and cried then - right?? No - its strange - I didn't - just looked at myself and kept telling myself it would grow back.

About a week later - was cleaning up the bathroom and suddenly noticed something beside the sink - something I really hadn't noticed still sitting there - I slowly picked it up and without any warning started BAWLING. I cried and cried - because in my hand was my BRUSH!!! Not sure why that affected me like that - guess because a ladies brush is a very personal thing - you know - you have just one usually - always take it with you - you have found the RIGHT brush for your hair and you are the only one that uses it. I realized that it would be a LONG time before I used that brush again so tucking it away I told it that it wouldn't be long and I would take it back out and it would be useful again!!! OK - maybe I was a bit looney to be talking to a brush but that's ok - I did some pretty crazy stuff during all my treatments so if talking to the brush made me feel better then hey - what difference did it make?? About three weeks ago I opened the drawer where I had tucked the brush away - brought it out and said - "OK brush - YOU'RE BACK!!! I think it was happy to see me!! ha ha I know I was glad to see IT!!

My hair has come back DARK and CURLY - something I am having trouble adjusting to. The color can be changed but the curly part is getting the best of me - I'm afraid. Whenever I pass a mirror I do a double take and think - who is THAT?? ha ha The other day I got an e-mail from Mikes niece Emily - who has had very curly hair all her life. Her advise to me was to "embrace my curls" so I am trying!!!

Sometimes it seems like YEARS ago that my hair fell out and at other times it seems like yesterday. Regardless - it's a small price to pay to be cancer free. You won't EVER hear me complain about the wind messing up my "do".