Will You Be By Yourself Tomorrow When I Call??

I had never been asked that question before by a doctor and somehow I KNEW when I heard those words that what she was going to say to me the next day was probably NOT going to be good. This was her way of warning me - without actually coming out and saying it. Of course - being the person I am - I refused to listen to her - refused to accept the fact that what she had to tell me the next day would be BAD - this could not be happening to me and I wasn't going to let it. So - instead of telling anyone what she said - I decided I could handle it - hey - everything was going to be ok - wasn't it? I had always done what I was suppose to do - had yearly mammograms and checkups - exercised - watched what I ate - kept my weight down - in other words - nothing could be wrong with ME!! yeah - RIGHT!!





The next day Mike left for work - I puttered around the house - trying to stay busy - trying not to think about the phone call that was coming - getting more nervous by the minute - I was still sore from the biopsies but that was nothing compared to the pain that was swelling up inside me - the fear. Maybe I had made a mistake to be by myself - but again - HEY - I could do this - there's nothing wrong - I'm getting worked up over nothing. Those words kept running through my head.





After a while I heard a noise outside - peering out the window I saw my sister Libby and her two boys - David and Daniel coming down the steps. Even now I cry when I think about it because THERE was an answer to a prayer - God KNEW I would need someone and he had sent them. Somehow my sister KNEW and she came. They had traveled an hour to be with me.





No one can prepare you for those words - the words that will change the way you look at things forever!! . . . . . . . You have cancer. . . . . . . . The doctor was very kind - said all the right words - was very sweet - I think I heard about half of what she said - she asked did I have any questions - QUESTIONS?? Yes - I had questions!! Am I going to die???? How do I tell my children? Will I see my grandson grow up? Will I see my daughter get married? Why me???? All these questions and more flooded my brain. Of course I didn't ask any of those questions - I calmly thanked her for letting me know - we discussed appointments they would make for me with other doctors I needed to see - they would get back to me the next day with those appointment times. I remember my sister sitting there listening to my end of the conversation - how she looked at me - that question mark on her face and how I nodded - letting her know that yes - I had breast cancer. The look on her face - I will never forget.



Most of the rest of the day and really for the next few days I don't remember much. After hanging up the phone I broke down and cried and cried - I couldn't stop crying - Libby holding me up - telling me it was going to be ok. It wasn't ok - to me it felt like the end of the world - I had just been told that I had breast cancer that had already spread to my lymph nodes - I knew what this meant - a LONG, LONG period of treatment was ahead of me. How could this have happened? Why did this happen? Would I be able to handle what was in front of me?? Please God - let me live!!!

Sometimes we don't know what is best for us but God does and that day he let my sister know I would need somebody and I will always be thankful that she was there - when the phone rang. I love you Libby!!!!